Going back again | My Setback Story

Have you ever experienced going back to a place that you don't want to see again? If yes, then we're on the same page. I didn't mean going back to a specific location literally but rather experiencing the worst thing (so far) that happened to me, AGAIN.

If ever you got the chance to read the previous articles that I published here in my blog, I kind of looks like I surpass and got through my lowest point (so far) in my life, which I did. And I'm happy that I'm sharing all the positive things I realized and learned through the hardest time. What made me think of doing this blog is to share my experience and how I dealt with all the negative thoughts in my head from hurting myself, pushing everyone away, and wanting to end my life to being positive and understanding everything. This is one thing that I'm proud of.

But during the quarantine, I am so frustrated with myself that I even went back to being anxious about things. I started having difficulties sleeping, again. I lost focus on my work. Lost my interest to talk with my friends, and writing articles for my blog. All I did is to worry about things like randomly.

What's more painful is that I know what should I do but for some reason, I can't. I can't help but worry. My mind is drowning and I'm starting to get drained as if anytime soon I will burst and cry -- which already happened. I don't know why it came back. Why do I come back to the old place that I don't want to see anymore? There are no days that I'm not worrying, and there are no nights that I'm not crying. There is no time that I have an interest in talking to people. All I did is to overthink, worry, cry, and sleep. I even got to the point where I don't want to eat anymore. I even planned to quit my job. which happens to be our main source of income. I don't know what's happening. I don't know why I came back. All I know is that I don't have any interest in everything anymore -- and that makes it more painful.

I'm tired of being a warrior where my enemy is my own mind. I don't know how can I win, or if I could win.

When I started to plan on making this blog, all I want to write is about positive things. All I want to share is about how I overcome everything. I'm afraid to tell what I feel right now and what I am right now. I'm so disappointed in myself that I'm having my setback right now. I didn't expect to experience it again too soon when I'm in the middle of encouraging myself to be stronger.

All I know is that I'm tired. And I don't think that having enough rest and sleep is the only thing I need.

Thank you for reading! Keep exploring! :)