My Silver Year | Things I'm grateful I learned and realized as of now

Life is hard. That is a fact that I believe almost all people accept, including me.

There are things we ask for that are sometimes fulfilled. But that doesn’t mean that when we want it, it happens right away, or should happen. Well, maybe, in a perfect world. But in our world, no.

Back when I was in college, everyone I know that is older than me always keeps on telling me that reality will hit me soon-- and that happened a few months after I graduated college.

Landing on my very first job was not difficult, to be honest. I feel so blessed that I got a job interview only a few days after my graduation day, and started working after two weeks. Until now, I can still remember what I felt the moment I knew I was hired-- overwhelmed with happiness and I literally told myself, "Yes! Now, I will have my own money!". Money that I will not spend for myself, but for my family.

Living in a world where I see my loved ones sacrificing, doing their best to give what I want and what I need, fueled my goal to have a job as soon as I finished studying. I want to help them in the best way that can. I want to tell them that it's time for me to give back.

But life is bittersweet. A rollercoaster ride where you really need to hold on tight because there will be ups and downs, turns and twists, and everything that will make your knees feel weak.

When I left my first job, my original plan was to take a rest. We need to take a break, but our bills don't have "take a break" on their system. There are bills we need to pay; house rent, electricity and water bills, foods, necessities, and other important things. That's when reality hits!

My family didn't pressure me to find a job as soon as possible. I was the one who pressured myself. I can't stand seeing them getting tired while I am just pretty much not helping. I conditioned my mind to get back on track. I need to do it!

That's when I realized that I'm willing to sacrifice my own time to heal for the sake of my family. And that's when I figured out that I found happiness in working because I am working for them, for the people who really love me.

I remember a famous Monica Geller's line, "Welcome to the real world! It sucks! You're gonna love it!". Oh yes, that is true. You see, life really sucks! We know that. But eventually, when you find your purpose and realized that happiness is a choice, you're gonna love what life can offer. And these are some of the important things I learned in life so far.

1. HAVE STRONG FAITH IN GOD.

Faith is an understatement. We normally ignore the real meaning of it, and sometimes, we don't talk about it. Do you still recall when was the last time you talked about your faith in God? Go ahead and ask yourself.

I'm not aware of how great He is before. And way back in 2018, when I was at the rock bottom of my life, God, again, introduced Himself to me. He made me realize what He can do, and that He will always be there for me. All I need to do it to trust Him.

When I realized how great He is, that's when I strongly believe in my mantra, "Everything happens for a reason". This saying is now pinned in my mind and it always helps me to choose to see the purpose of everything.

2. BELIEVE IN MYSELF.

I tend to blame myself when things start to go wrong around me. Sometimes, I tell myself that I can't do things simply because I don't believe in myself-- which is a very big mistake.

For the past few years, I learned to believe in myself. I learned that I also need to trust myself-- that I can do things on my own simply because I can do it.

If I can't believe and trust myself, who would?

I always remind myself that if others can do it, I can too.

You can too.

3. CHOOSE YOUR FRIEND WISELY.

Just because some people are nice to you, means they are your friend already.

I personally don't underestimate the word "friend". For me, a real friend is someone who will always be there for you and will help you in the best way he/she can. Friendship should be treasured, not to be taken for granted.

Hence, you need to choose your friend wisely. Choose an environment where you feel secure about your friendship. If you feel that they're just taking you for granted in a bad way, let go of them. They are not worth it.

4. HEALTHY WORK ENVIRONMENT IS IMPORTANT.

Choosing a healthy work environment is also important as choosing the right friend.

If you really feel happy with your work, sure, you can stay. But the moment you feel burnt out, start to evaluate your working environment. If all you feel is stress and tiredness, then you might consider leaving it. I know you will tell yourself that maybe it's just a phase, and you should not give up. You can consider that. But you should not fool yourself by keeping on telling that you're still happy with it even though the results don't reflect what you feel.

I've been in a situation where I felt happy with my job, well, I thought I was. But I craved for growth, new learnings, and new experiences simply because I want to expand my knowledge, capabilities, and abilities when it comes to my career. And the reason I craved for that is because I'm not getting that. A job that doesn't allow you to expand professionally is a red flag.

5. BE AMBITIOUS.

Crave for something that will help you be a successful person. There's nothing wrong with being ambitious as this attitude will help you be goal-driven. That ambitious self of yours will tell you to do more and give your best so you can achieve your target. Of course, just as with other things, you have to be ambitious in the right way. You can be too much, but learn how to be a responsible ambitious person.

Don't settle for less because we deserve more and the best one. This is in general.

Accept every opportunity that will knock on your door. Always remember that you either win or learn. That means opportunity can make you a winner and a learner in some ways.

6. COMMUNICATE.

Share it to lessen the weight. People are not mind-reader which they can know what you think just by looking at you. Speak so you can be heard. Explain so you can be understood.

As I grow older, I realized that communicating is very important as this opens a lot of opportunities to know someone, to understand what they feel, and to learn what we don't know.

7. LEARN HOW TO WAIT.

Waiting is a sign of patience that a lot of people don't realize how significant to have. To learn how to wait is to know that there are things that you can't have in an instant. Sure, there are things that we deserve, but that doesn't mean that we are meant to have it right away. As they always say, "Patience is a virtue".

8. KNOW HOW TO SAY "NO".

I was once a people pleaser and I hated saying no to people, especially if they asked me in a kind way. I thought I would come off as a bad person if I say no to them. I experienced arguing with myself because I already said yes but deep down, I want to say no, and believe me when I say that it is very difficult to argue with yourself. I even reached the phase where I'm stressed because, in the first place, I shouldn't be doing it, but since I said yes, I have no choice but to do it.

I'm so happy that I realized the importance of saying no. And I'm grateful to myself because I really stood by my realization and learned that I shouldn't be always available for other people.

9. WHAT THEY THINK IS IMPORTANT, BUT DON'T FOCUS ON THEM.

As a person who doesn't believe in herself before, I always rely on other people's perceptions of me. I don't care what I think of myself, but I do care what people think of me. I always give importance to their thoughts, to the point that I became a people pleaser.

Every time I do something, I always ask myself "What will they think?" or "Is it okay with them?". A simple thing became complicated because I put other people's thoughts before myself. From the time I was young until I graduated from college, that was my mindset. Imagine how long that was. So I will not lie and pretend that it is easy to learn how to properly weigh what other people think of me.

Furthermore, I became very conscious of myself. I lost confidence especially when I gain weight because all I keep on hearing is "You look fat", "You're beautiful, but you're fat", and "You look beautiful before when you were still not fat". Comments like these made me feel that I'm nothing but a fat, ugly person. Deep down, I know that I am more than just my appearance; I'm kind, trustworthy-- a good person in general. But that's not important because all I care about is what people think about me. I keep on justifying to myself that other people's comments about me are not important, but I keep on shrugging that and still cry over what Karen told me a few days ago about me being ugly because I'm fat.

Yes, it's hard to experience that. That's why it took me a while to learn and to realize that what they think is not important as what I think. You should not base your life, your decisions, or what you think of yourself on other people's eyes. Yes, sometimes, what they think matters because there are things that they can see that you can't see. But take note, only sometimes, not all the time.

Now that I've learned how to weigh and filter people's comments about me, I've become happier because I've not only learned how to ignore things that aren't important, but I've also learned how to give importance to myself-- what I think, what decision will be better for me, and many things about valuing myself that I thought I would never learn.

10. CONFIDENCE IS A CROWN.

I mentioned above that I lost my confidence, especially when I gained weight. I avoided using mirrors, avoided group photos, and other things where I can see myself. I remember when I told my friend that I don't have confidence because it is not missing, but because it already died. I think that's the most serious and heavy comment I said about my confidence.

I wrote an article on my blog about this and shared that I came to the point where I restrained myself from wearing dresses because I hated them and thought that it doesn't look good on me.

I envy those women who have a strong foundation of confidence in themselves, and I pity myself for not having it. That's when I realized how important it is to be confident in yourself in all ways, that's why I decided to revive it. I'm currently working on it.

I'm still far from my goal as a confident woman, but I believe that small progress is still progress as long as you choose to move forward.

These are only a few of the learnings I learned in life so far. There's still more, but these ten are on top of the list.

Life is hard. That is a fact. But it is also beautiful. It gives us not only memories to remember, people, and things to treasure, but it also offers learnings that we can use to shape ourselves.

I used to be a complainer when I was struggling, when there were many problems, and when I felt the hardships of life. But I'm happy that I realized early that life is like that; the difficulty you are experiencing and the problem you are going through is a teacher who will teach you many things.

Before I finish this article, I want to leave a quote that I always tell myself no matter what situation I'm in.

"Everything happens for a reason. You might not know the reason for now, but soon, you will realize why you need to go through it. It has many reasons why, but on top of all, it makes you stronger. It makes you one step closer to being the best version of yourself."